Chaos Chronicles

Boy, I have been a little uneasy about the thought of carrying triplets. I know it’s highly unlikely that ALL the eggs will take (once implanted) but there is still a chance. I’m afraid that I will HAVE TO have a c-section. I want to avoid a c-section at all costs.. but if it’s medically neccessary for the health of the babies (or me) well, of course I’ll do it. Because triplets are so small at birth, a long labor is bad for them. I don’t want the babies to get hurt. I want to protect them for as long as they are inside me, until their mother can do the protecting.

S and I have talked about transfering 3, but I just emailed her and asked that we try it with only 2 for the first couple of tries and if I don’t fall prego, then we can move to 3. I’m just afraid they will all take! It wont be the end of the world if I have to have a c-section, I just want it to be as natural as possible. There is more of a chance of that happening if it’s only twins. Then again, I guess I’d prefer to do a scheduled c-section instead of an emergency one because with the emerency c-section, I might not be able to attempt a VBAC later on. I never thought this part of the decision was this hard. I guess it will be easier when I have all of the info about S’s eggs. If she can use them, how well they are growing in the dish, etc.

I can’t wait to meet with my lawyer and get the contract signed so that we all know what the specifics are going to be. I read something about a monthly allowance. It’s different from the carriers compensation. I don’t think I’m going to ask for that, but I’ll have to see what it’s for. I guess it might go towards the extra food I’d be eating.. I think if I do end up asking for that, I’ll make my compensation fee lower. I’m not doing it to get rich, I want to give S and N another baby to love and give their son a sibling.

The relationship my son has with his sister is so awesome to watch. It makes me so happy to know that I will be helping S & N have this family dynamic as well.

S told me she loved me the other day. She said that I was an “unbelievably wonderful person to even consider doing this for another person.” Boy that makes me feel so good, to know I can help someone in that way. Like it is my purpose for the time being.

The funny thing is, since the birth of my daughter, I’ve been volunteering like crazy. I’ve been volunteering at my son’s school, volunteering for studies, and I’m set to volunteer for a Women Of Faith conference!  Well, Leena has just woken up, so I better get going!

I’m feeling really tired right now, but can’t sleep. I’m tired from lack of sleep. I’m in MA right now. I was supposed to be up here for a vacation, but found out shortly before coming up, that my grandmother was in the hospital and had cancer. Well today she died. It was pretty sudden.

Anyway, I guess it’s because of this tiredness that I am sitting here stewing on dumb comments people make about surrogacy. My friend is still on me about getting cancer from S. if I go through with the surrogacy. I wish she would just stop. I mean it’s rediculous to even think that I will “catch” her (now non-existant…YAY!!) cancer.

I think …wow, it worked. I knew as soon as I sat down to write in here, I’d get super tired and have to go to sleep.. I guess it’s therapy in more ways than I thought! I guess I’ll attempt to write later. I have a lot to say about my impending period..at least that’s what I HOPE it is.

My name is Lisa M. I’m a 24 year old WAHM to two beautiful children. I have a 7 yr old named Paul and a 8 month old named Angelina, or “Leena”. I have been married for almost 5 years to my wonderful husband Ben who is 31. We live in a small town in PA and can’t wait to move into our own house.

My decision to become a gestational surrogate was an easy one. I had suffered 2 miscarriages (as well as secondary infertility in 2001) in 2002 while trying to have a baby with my husband. A feat that took 4 years to accomplish. The first was due to a high fever I had while I was sick with pink eye and strep. The second, my dr’s say, is because I tried again too soon, and so I fell into the 1 in 1500 category of women who have a partial molar pregnancy. That is when 2 sperm fertilize my one egg.

I finally got pregnant and had my daughter in July of 2004. Before her, I was afraid I’d never be able to give my husband a child of his own. That thought, combined with the pain of losing 2 babies, hurt so badly inside that I couldn’t even bare it at times and just wanted to be alone.

After I had Leena, I decided that since my body was back to normal I would do what I could to help other couples have the babies they’ve always wanted. A biological child(ren) of their own.

Asside from miscarrying, I have wonderful satisfying pregnancies. I love being pregnant. I even took a maternity photo shoot with Leena and showed off my belly to my blogging friends. It was great fun.

I don’t have morning sickness, just an occational slight nausea feeling. The only thing I really get is tired….and an insatiable craving for watermellon!

Right now, I’m working with a couple from NY. S is a strong woman. She found out she had breast cancer after the birth of her son. The dr’s told her it was due to her pregnancy and if she ever became pregnant again, she could die. That is a pretty scary thought for me. I can’t imagine how she must feel.
The good news is that she is now done with her chemo treatment and is cancer free! Hopefully sometime in early Sept. we will be able to move forward on our journey together. Please keep us all in your prayers